I broke up with my boyfriend... he was my everything for a little over a year. It's funny how you think the people who are never going to hurt you, who aren't even capable of doing things to hurt you, are the ones that hurt most.

Today I got the official offer for my first ever "big girl" job. A job that includes words like "salary" and "401K." It's not going to be my career, but it's definitely a step towards saving money for grad school and eventually a career. I start the 26th. Meanwhile, I'm keeping my part time job. I'll be working weekends. So that means I will be working Every. Single. Day.

Pray for me, my friends. The coming journey will be a long one. But one day I hope to have a shiny master's degree and car and home and savings account to show for it all. I hope. Eep.

Yesterday I went on a job interview. To be honest, I'm pretty terrible at interviews. When I am asked questions, I like to have time to consider them and come up with a good answer.

The first question they always seem to ask- So tell us a little about yourself.

Such a simple question that always leaves me tongue tied! No matter how much I prepare for this question ahead of time I always draw a blank when the question is actually asked.

My name is Kelly... ummmmm......

That's usually how the answer goes. No wonder I have a hard time finding a decent job.

My name is Kelly, and I am 22 years old. I have spent most of my life drifting about and wondering what my future will be like, because I have a difficult time envisioning it. For most of my life I was shy and quiet. I had one friend that lived down the street from me. I actually cried in kindergarten once when the teacher called on me for an answer to a question because I couldn't bear the thought of speaking up in front of other people. As time went on I still was painfully shy, but I got a little better. I still hated speaking in public, and I would say it developed into a full blown phobia to the point of where the thought of giving a speech made me want to faint. By high school, I had a total of maybe five people I would call friends. I was passionate about my art classes, and while I would say I was more talented than most people, I still wasn't an artist. I was gifted in academics and always did well in school. Other people viewed me as quiet and nerd-ish. I remember once someone said they wanted to vote for me for "most shy" for the yearbook. That devastated me. That was not how I wanted to be seen, and it was not the person I wanted to be. I graduated from high school, and chose to go to a college where only about three people from my previous school were attending. I wanted to go to a place that was completely new. I chose to live on campus. I wanted to change myself into someone I wanted to be- I wanted to force myself to become a bit more outgoing. It was a risk, and the first few months were miserable. I chose psychology as my major because it was a subject I was fascinated in and I could study for four years without driving me mad. I also picked up a gender studies minor because that was also fascinating to me. I didn't consider that the studies I chose would make it next to impossible to find a job after graduating, but that didn't concern me at the time. I was slowly becoming more outgoing and gaining friends. I also nearly completely conquered my fear of public speaking. One of the happiest moments of my life was in one class when I concluded a three hour presentation to my class without once feeling queasy or like I was going to faint. I did well. I also discovered a love for volunteering, especially travelling, especially abroad. My volunteer trips to New Orleans and Virginia, Mexico and Costa Rica are among the best memories of my life. I also made friends that I loved more dearly than I could ever imagine. In spite of being stressed with my school work, my volunteering, my clubs, my part time job, college was the best time of my life thus far.

Now I have been graduated from college for a little over a year. I still work a crappy part time job. I can't afford to go to grad school at the moment. Most of my college friends have moved away to pursue higher education or careers. I feel lost. I feel aimless. I feel stuck. Where do I go from here? That's who I am right now.

But I couldn't very well let my potential future employers know that....